1

Salty Greens

Literally the easiest and the most delicious thing ever. Will eat entire bowl(s) of this. Entire. Goddamn. Bowls.

Ingredients:
+ 4 cups cabbage*
+ 1 tsp oil
+ Salt to taste
+ Soy sauce to taste
Instructions:
1. Chop cabbage into thin, half finger-length strips
2. Heat wok/pan on high, add 1 tsp oil
3. Stir fry cabbage until noticeably soft but probably not browning
4. Turn heat to medium-low, add salt**
5. Add tiny bit of soy sauce (~0.25 tsp)
6. Remove from pan and consume.

* Or 3 cups cabbage and 1 cup kale, or like add a tomato, or whatever. Tomato will make it more sour.

** I have a small salt shaker, and I shake it ~20 times with four tiny holes open

Calories: 150 cal

Eat it on its own, with another flavorful dish, with rice, whatever. I paired it with brown rice and it could probably do with some heavier flavoring (sweet chili sauce? Sriracha? Char siu sauce? Bulgogi? Omg mmm bulgogi), but overall 10/10 would make and eat again. Which is good because I need to rid myself of a huge bunch of kale. And cabbage.

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0

My Sprouts Look Muddy

Because it’s winter and I like fall vegetables and why have brussels sprouts never been a part of my childhood? Clearly I have to eat ridiculous amounts of it to make up for lost time.

Ingredients:
+ 4 cups brussels sprouts
+ 1 tbsp + 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
+ 1 tbsp olive oil
+ 3 tsp maple syrup
+ Salt and pepper to taste
+ Garlic to taste
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 400 F.
2. Wash and chop brussels sprouts in half. Put in oven-safe dish.
3. Mix with 1 tbsp vinegar, 1 tbsp oil, salt, pepper, garlic to taste.
4. Roast in oven at 400 F for 30 mins, mixing again at 15 mins.
5. Remove from oven. Mix with 3 tsp maple syrup and 1 tsp vinegar.
6. Add additional seasonings if desired.

Calories: 340cal

I had the entire baking dish full of sprouts for my nighttime snack / fourth meal and went to bed happy and extremely full and extremely proud of myself.

2

Edible Brown Goop

Also known as 5-minute chocolate banananana oatmeal. I promise it’s not shit(ty).

Hah. Hah. Okay I’m done.

Ingredients:
+ 2 tbsp rolled oats
+ 0.5 cup almond milk*
+ 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
+ 3 tsp sugar or sweetener equivalent
+ 0.25 tsp vanilla extract (optional)
+ 1 banana
Instructions:
1. Mix oats, almond milk, cocoa powder, sweetener in a ceramic bowl
2. Microwave for ~30 sec, remove and stir, microwave for another 1 min.
3. Add half a banana, mash as desired, microwave for 30 sec.
4. Add vanilla extract and other spices as desired, mix.
5. Top with remaining half of banana.

Calories: 220 per serving for 1 serving (calculated without sugar).

*Use less if you want a thicker oatmeal, etc.

*Also: I used reduced sugar almond milk, FYI.

Ain’t nobody got time to cook properly in college. Thank god for microwaves.

I was going to take a picture but someone distracted me and I mushed it up. Oops

0

Broccoli Barley Bake

Is good. Is fragrant. Kinda like pie. Barley makes it chewy. 10/10 would eat. Is best fresh out of oven. I made this quite a while ago so I don’t really remember what I have to say about it.

Adapted from this recipe here.

Ingredients:
+ 1 cup cooked barley
+ 4 cups chopped broccoli
+ 2 cloves garlic
+ 1 small onion
+ 1 tsp salt
+ 4 tbsp 0% Greek yogurt*
+ 1 egg
+ 2 tbsp chopped basil
+ 1 tbsp black pepper
+ 0.5 cup cottage cheese*
Instructions:
1. Sauté onions and garlic
2. Add broccoli, stir fry until lightly brown
3. Add dash of water and steam for ~2 min., add salt and pepper to taste
3. Combine barley, broccoli, and basil
4. Mix yogurt, cottage cheese, and egg
5. Combine all ingredients in baking dish of choice. Cover with foil.**
6. Bake at 175 Celsius or 350 Fahrenheit for 30 mins.
7. Remove foil, bake for 20 more mins.

Calories: 140 per serving for 4 servings

*Of your choice

**Top with additional cheese if desired, cottage cheese / brie / mozzarella should work. And/or top with more basil and pepper, it looks pretty

I vaguely remember this being not salty enough, but you could always add more salt later (I did). Surprisingly filling. Could probably chuck in the freezer and microwave later. I baked this in a ~25 cm diameter baking dish / cake tin and it spread out to be about 1 cm thick! In retrospect, making this sweeter would probably also be good hmm

0

Worryingly Speckled Muffins

This makes, like, Top 3 of all my summer creations. That’s all I’m going to say. They are OBJECTIVELY good. This makes 6 muffins / cupcakes of about 2 cm diameter each.

(Modified from this recipe.)

Ingredients: 
+ 1 banana
+ half avocado
+ half-ish carrot
+ 2 tbsp butter
+ 3 tbsp sugar
+ 3 tbsp stevia (or sugar)
+ 1 egg
+ 1 cup flour
+ 1 tsp baking powder
+ 1 tsp vanilla extract
+ 2 tbsp applesauce
+ 2 tbsp milk
Instructions:
1. Cream butter and sugar until fluffeh.
2. Beat egg. Mix in.
3. Mix dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, sugar etc.)
4. Add half of mixed dry ingredients, mix quickly.
5. Mash banana and avocado with applesauce. Grate carrot and mix in.
6. Add mashed fruits/veg. Add in remaining flour. Mix.
7. Bake in muffin tin at 175 Celsius for ~25 mins. Top may be lightly brown.

Calories: ~200 cal each.

I topped them with dried mulberries. Dried berries of any sort would probably go well with these. They’re not super sweet (hence a breakfast option, kinda like a scone?) and surprisingly filling. If you mashed the fruits by hand like me, you’ll find specks of green and yellow and orange when you bite into them…which was upsetting for my dad until I explained what they were. That was funny. Heh.

– Aims

0

Actually Edible Apple Crumble

HUGE SUCCESS! Edible for people with normal standards (*most things are edible to me. Like my own cooking). I’ve been having this for breakfast two days in a row now, which really says something considering my laziness and the fact that this takes an hour of my life to make.

(Recipe modified from this post.)

Ingredients (Version 1):
+ 1 chopped apple
+ 2 tbsp almond milk*
+ 0.5 tsp vanilla
+ 0.5 tsp cinnamon
+ 1 tbsp greek yogurt
+ 2 tsp sugar
+ 3 tbsp quick oats**
+ 2 tsp flour
+ 1 tsp melted soy margarine
Instructions (Version 1):
1. Mix first six ingredients together and toss.
2. Mix last three ingredients together.
3. Combine and mix all ingredients.
4. Bake at 175 Celsius for 25 mins.***
5. Bake at 195 Celsius for 5-10 mins.
6. Leave in oven for 10 mins.

Calories: 235

* Or milk of your choice

** Add more to preference, I take no responsibility

*** Note: I used a 20cm diameter ceramic baking dish.

Ingredients (Version 2):
+ 0.5 chopped apple
+ 0.5 sliced banana
+ 0.5 tsp vanilla
+ 0.5 tsp cinnamon
+ 1 tbsp greek yogurt
+ 1 tsp stevia (substitute sugar)
+ 4 tbsp quick oats
+ 2 tsp flour
+ 1 tbsp applesauce
Instructions (Version 2):
1. Mix first six ingredients together and toss.
2. Mix last three ingredients together.
3. Combine and mix all ingredients.
4. Bake at 175 Celsius for 25 mins.
5. Bake at 195 Celsius for 5 mins.
6. Leave in oven for 10 mins.

Calories: 200

For some reason this second version became slightly too brown/charred when baked at ~200 C for 10 minutes, so 5 should probably do the trick.

Either way, this is parent-tested and approved to the point where they ate it voluntarily, which happens almost never.

TL;DR will not regret, this is good, do it now.

.

– Aims

0

Teethbreaking Applenana Tarts

If you have a kid who’s switching out baby teeth for adult teeth and refuses to get his teeth pulled, make these and demand them be eaten. (Then make sentimental jewelry out of said baby teeth.)

The middle part was worth powering through the crust for, but I personally like teethbreaking crusts. The baking times in this recipe have been reduced, so this shouldn’t be as bricklike. I think. Haven’t tried again.

Ingredients: Crust
+ 1 tbsp soy margarine*
+ 7 tbsp wheat flour
+ 1 egg white
+ 1 tablet sucralose**
Ingredients: Filling
+ 0.5 banana
+ 1 tbsp applesauce
+ Optional: tiny apple slices
Instructions:
1. Mix all four ingredients for crust. Dough will be very sticky.
2. Grease cupcake tin. Divide dough into three balls.
3. Press dough into tin, forming cup shape. (Wet hands to prevent dough from sticking to you.)
4. Bake at 175 Celsius for 10 mins mid-oven, 10 mins at the bottom. Crusts should be solid.
5. Mash half banana with applesauce, scoop into crusts.
5.5. Add layer of sliced apple for decorative and/or bake control reasons.
6. Bake at 180 Celsius for 10-15 min at the top layer of the oven (or until apple slices are dry.)

Calories: 120 per toothbreaking tart.

* Or butter of your choice. Feel free to double. Or triple. Whatever.

** Hammer it until it becomes a fine powder. Alternatively use 1-3 tbsp sugar to taste.

I’ll probably try again with these new baking instructions, but the old product was still edible (if charred around the crust edges). But really, I’d rather just make apple crumble. This is too much work.

But, like, not bad, considering I basically winged it.

– Aims