Salty Greens

Literally the easiest and the most delicious thing ever. Will eat entire bowl(s) of this. Entire. Goddamn. Bowls.

+ 4 cups cabbage*
+ 1 tsp oil
+ Salt to taste
+ Soy sauce to taste
1. Chop cabbage into thin, half finger-length strips
2. Heat wok/pan on high, add 1 tsp oil
3. Stir fry cabbage until noticeably soft but probably not browning
4. Turn heat to medium-low, add salt**
5. Add tiny bit of soy sauce (~0.25 tsp)
6. Remove from pan and consume.

* Or 3 cups cabbage and 1 cup kale, or like add a tomato, or whatever. Tomato will make it more sour.

** I have a small salt shaker, and I shake it ~20 times with four tiny holes open

Calories: 150 cal

Eat it on its own, with another flavorful dish, with rice, whatever. I paired it with brown rice and it could probably do with some heavier flavoring (sweet chili sauce? Sriracha? Char siu sauce? Bulgogi? Omg mmm bulgogi), but overall 10/10 would make and eat again. Which is good because I need to rid myself of a huge bunch of kale. And cabbage.


My Sprouts Look Muddy

Because it’s winter and I like fall vegetables and why have brussels sprouts never been a part of my childhood? Clearly I have to eat ridiculous amounts of it to make up for lost time.

+ 4 cups brussels sprouts
+ 1 tbsp + 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
+ 1 tbsp olive oil
+ 3 tsp maple syrup
+ Salt and pepper to taste
+ Garlic to taste
1. Preheat oven to 400 F.
2. Wash and chop brussels sprouts in half. Put in oven-safe dish.
3. Mix with 1 tbsp vinegar, 1 tbsp oil, salt, pepper, garlic to taste.
4. Roast in oven at 400 F for 30 mins, mixing again at 15 mins.
5. Remove from oven. Mix with 3 tsp maple syrup and 1 tsp vinegar.
6. Add additional seasonings if desired.

Calories: 340cal

I had the entire baking dish full of sprouts for my nighttime snack / fourth meal and went to bed happy and extremely full and extremely proud of myself.


These-Have-Been-In-The-Fridge-Too-Long Vegetable Roast

Today my mother asked me to deal with all the bell peppers that had been left in the fridge all week. My go-to with bell peppers is usually to roast them – I love how sweet and complex the flavors become, and roasted bell peppers are so much more versatile than raw ones, in my opinion.

Since I was going to be using the oven, I decided that I might as well make dinner, and hence, my produce-drawer-clearing roast was birthed!

+ 2 Red or Yellow Bell Peppers*
+ 3 Tomatoes
+ 3 Onions
+ 1 Head Garlic
+ Thyme
+ Oregano
+ 1 Mozzarella Ball
+ 1/4 Cup Olive Oil (roughly)
+ 1/5  Cup Balsamic Vinegar (roughly)
+ Salt
+ Pepper
1. Preheat the oven to 175° Celsius
2. Cut out the green circle where the stem to attach to the tomatoes using a sharp knife, then place the tomatoes cut-side down in a baking dish. Make a cross-shaped slit on the skin of the tomato on the side that faces up, so that the steam can escape when it’s cooking
3. Peel and slice onions in half, then place those and the whole head of garlic (unpeeled) in the baking dish with the tomatoes
4. Drizzle the vegetables with the olive oil and balsamic. Season generously with salt, pepper, thyme ad oregano
5. Place the bell pepper on a foil-lined baking tray
6. Place the baking tray and dish into the oven. Let roast for about 30 minutes while you enjoy a glass of cheap wine
7. Remove the bell peppers from the oven. They should be slightly blackened. Place them in a pot with the lid on (make sure the lid doesn’t have a steam vent), and let cool (20 minutes)**
8. Remove the baking dish from the oven after it’s been roasting for a total of 45 minutes. Let cool
9. Peel the skin off of the bell peppers and remove the stems and seeds, leaving yourself with something that looks like a fillet of roasted pepper. Slice the fillets into 1 inch strips
10. Break up the head of garlic and remove the skin from the cloves. Place the peeled cloves back in the baking dish
11. Peel the skin off the tomatoes, then roughly slice them and the onions into bite-size pieces
12. Place the sliced roasted bell pepper into the baking dish with the rest of the vegetables. Tear the mozzarella ball and place the pieces on top of the vegetables
13. Return the tray to the oven for another ten minutes to melt the cheese and voila!

* I actually roasted and peeled 6 bell peppers, but I saved the rest for salad/sandwich purposes

** This is meant to let the bell peppers steam while they cool so that the skin separates from the flesh and makes the peppers easier to peel

Calories: irrelevant in the face of such deliciousness


There you have it! A delicious, light dinner served with some good toasted home-made bread. I cut my bread into chunks and mixed it into the roast before serving so that it absorbed all the vegetable juices, but make sure you reserve some for mopping up the baking dish!



Ugly-Ass Mushroom Soup

Today I got bored/hungry and decided to come up with a new recipe. I had a pack of portobellos in the fridge and an unhealthy obsession with my hand-blender…


…and the end result was this unappetizingly-brown but very tasty mushroom soup.


So, leaving all Freudian implications about my hand-blender love aside, I’ll tell you how I made it.

+ 3 stalks celery
+ 2 carrots
+ 1 onion
+ 2 cloves garlic
+ 2 sun-dried tomatoes (in olive oil)
+ 1 tablespoon butter
+ 6 mini Portobello mushrooms (give or take)
+ water
+ 1 cup skim milk*
+ salt and pepper to taste
1. Peel your carrot, onions, and garlic, then roughly dice them and the celery
2. Slice mushrooms thinly
3. Place the chopped vegetables (but not the mushrooms) in a pot with the butter and two sun-dried tomatoes, saute on a medium heat until onions are clear
4. Add the mushrooms and continue to cook until the mushrooms are cooked (about 5 minutes)
5. Add enough water to cover the vegetables, then put lid on the pot and let the water boil
6. Turn down the heat, then add the milk
7. Take the pot off the stove, then use the hand-blender to puree the mixture until it becomes a nice a chunky mushroom-soup texture
8. Add salt and pepper to taste

Calories: I don’t freakin’ know, it’s cooking not physics

*I used skim milk since I ran out of regular, but go ahead and use regular for a creamier fattier taste, you pig.

I kinda just guesstimated the amount of milk to put in (I mean, who actually measures thing?), so maybe you can try blending the soup first before adding milk bit by bit until the color looks right to you or you run out of milk.

So there you go. Tell your friends. Eat soup. Or don’t. I don’t care.